6/2/09 – Community Impact on Individuals. Huh.

Exert from personal journal.

It is no secret; I spend some time almost daily being sick. It is a lifestyle I have become so accustomed to in the last year, it almost didn’t faze me. Yet, I was terrified of being sick on the trip. Before I left, when people asked how to pray for me in Uganda, I would beg them to pray I wouldn’t, by some miracle, get sick. That somehow I would keep food down. Either people forgot to pray or God chose a different answer. Because puking I’ve continued to do. It has frustrated me; it’s exhausted me; it’s got in the way. But no more so than it did at school. I am no sicker and actually, in ratio to the food I’m eating, keeping more food down than at school. I have been baffled by the fact it has been so much a part of my immediate focus. What makes this different? AM I sicker than normal? No. I am around more people. At school, no one noticed when I didn’t keep lunch down or wasn’t feeling up to par. I was accountable to me and I gave instructions to suck it up and move on. It just occurred to me that I’m not used to having people notice. Having people care. Having people ask how I am feeling so that I would actually have to evaluate to give an honest answer. Have to be honest with them and honest with me. I almost laughed when of my new friends looked at me the other day and went “Anika, how are you feeling?” “Alright. I’m pretty good.” That’s the answer I always give myself and I hate giving the impression that I am anything less than fully capable, that I’m complaining, that I’m the sick kid. It wasn’t a lie. Normally the doubters give me an eyebrow. Most go “that’s good”. But when you spend your days shoulder to shoulder with people who have been watching you as closely as you watch them... She turned to her neighbor and went “that’s what she always says and it’s not the truth!” Oops. I was caught. Life changes in community. I think I’m okay with the fact that people notice.