5/31/09 – Personal Reflections

Exerts from my personal journal...

And so ends the month of May. If it weren’t for journaling every day and keeping track of the date, I would have no idea and those words would be of no consequence. I’m having a really hard time with life right now. I LOVE Uganda, but constantly not feeling feel and being so ungodly tired is taking a tremendous toll on me. Furthermore, I can’t hide it. My team members can tell. Some part of me feels like I am letting everyone down and especially myself. I want to be here more than anything and yet the same kid who fought and argued that I was perfectly capable of handling this trip is sitting here, writing, wondering if I made the right decision. And so, while enjoying the country, today marked hump day and I realized I was counting down. I want to be here but I want to be home. I missed Amelia’s graduation today. I know she said it was okay – long, long ago. But I wanted to be there. Our family has been there for each other in everything...the good, the bad, the ugly. My siblings have always been there for me, no questions asked. I feel a little like I let her down. And so I’m discouraged. I know I wasn’t made for this new world forever, but now if I wonder I was meant for this world at all. The homesick part of me is curling up in bed with not enough hours until morning kind of wishing for someone to hug me goodnight and make me feel alright.


In everything, Anika...even when it’s not.
Anika, you are the most undeserving
“You are the one whose given me the strength to fight and carry on life...”